fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
