11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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