why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
