"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
