He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize