Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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