Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
