dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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