Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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