Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
