I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
