you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize