Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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