I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize