they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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