I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
