Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
