dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
