someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
