Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
