i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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