I got chris browned last night
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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