1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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