is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
