I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
