didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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