Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
