I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
