You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
