I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
