You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
