My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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