Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
