he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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