I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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