And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
