I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
