i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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