There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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