Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
