I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
