even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
