Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm really into asian looking animals
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
