I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
