can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
