..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
