the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
