I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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