Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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