i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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