the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
