Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
