If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
