and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
bring money and cleavage
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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