So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
