: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
