i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
