Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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