addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
