duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize