I bet he comes in French.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
