chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
