I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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