you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
