Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
