that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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