do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
