Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
