Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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