It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
