All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
