She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
