I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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