Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
