too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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