I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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