I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
