Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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