i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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