yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
