So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
