check it out our google latitudes are spooning
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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