I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
