i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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