dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
