capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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