i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
