then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
