I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
