i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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