So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
