Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
