Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
