capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
