the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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