someone threw a dead crab at me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
