dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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