in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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