Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
